|
|
Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
|
|
|
Ugh, I'm a whale.
A. WHALE.
Rounding on my fourth month. This is ridiculous, where does the time go?
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, December 10th, 2008
|
| Time: | 12:57 pm. |
| Mood: |  grateful. |
|
Well then. I'm still not even sure how the hell this happened, but it did. That's the point, it did. After last evening's breakdown (on all our parts, minus the good Doctor of course), I couldn't sleep for more than an hour. I thought of so many things...so so so many things. Then, it all kind of died down and one thing stood out clear and perfect. I was going to lose him. That thought terrified me more than the hospital visit I'm going to pay in nine months. Then it just struck me, I've been such an idiot this whole time. Holding him at arms length because of my baggage and insecurities hasn't been helping and it'd just drive us further apart. These stupid mental blocks I've put up since my mother dubbed me and Ceci as "The Cursed". I don't want to make any more mistakes. I talked to Darius about it before he left that night. It's time to grow up.
We talked this morning. I was different, he was different. I was so nervous about the outcome that I went out of my way to be extremely pleasant...and then he said it, exactly what I needed to hear. And now I'm actually okay with all of this. I want this. I want him and I want his baby. Our baby.
Am I ready? Hell no. But my life starts again right now. It's not about me anymore, it's about the three of us. No one else, just us.
|
|
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, December 9th, 2008
|
|
|
I've got a stomach virus from the bloody restaurant we ate at last week.
Ugh...I'll write in this as soon as I finish throwing up half my weight.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, October 29th, 2008
|
|
|
Well what can I say? Another year gone, another lesson learned? Pass.
If a year ago you would have told me that by this time I'd be divorced and then in another relationship, I would have probably died of a heart attack. I guess it's quite a feat that I'm still alive then. These past couple months haven't been the easiest, I have to admit I've been a hermit mostly. Ivan's been gone since September...what is that, like four months now? At first I wanted to pretend that he didn't make that much of an addition to the house. I'm numb to it now, but the silence and loneliness has been intense. That and company is always nice. Especially his company.
Christmas was spent in Ireland with the family. Cecile is slowly starting to laugh again. I didn't realize how much Jack meant to her, I'm just glad she's turning into herself again. Mother and Father were going out of their way to be silly and lighten up everyone's mood. They dressed up the dogs, it was obnoxious, but cute. I have to give them credit for being so strong and loving, considering that both of their daughters are complete screw ups. I even stayed for New Year's. No reason to come back to a empty house. I saw Kale again, that was awkward beyond belief. He kept giving me that "I told you so" face, I got pretty close to smashing his head in with a chair...except I didn't because Ceci and I got piss drunk and sang Muggle power ballads all night. So much for that.
I've lost track of the days. I owe Darius and Paige all of my time, I just can't get a hold of it. Sometimes you've just got to be a recluse, right? I'm sure they'll forgive me. I hope? Ivan should be coming back sometime this month too. Oh and deep inside I know that I can get the gallery up and started. I've been working on my stuff this whole time (I know, how productive of me). Let's see if that plan doesn't fall through.
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
So Ivan managed to pull me away from the star projector to surprise me with dinner at the Hard Rock. He says he planned it, but he looked pretty surprised when he saw my reaction so I don't know. They have Pete Townshend's guitar. I think I can die now.
Things got, well I can't even explain it. Suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe, so we left. I still feel bad for being so abrupt.
Ended up swimming.
Ended up listening to Def Leppard.
I'm really happy right now, but I don't want to admit it. It feels good to just let things run their course for a while instead of constantly fighting. I feels really really good.
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Saturday, July 19th, 2008
|
|
|
There's nothing like seeing Darius Nosfertum completely wet and in boxers to make you forget how much you bawled your eyes out moments before. I'm glad we're such good friends....even if he makes me cry almost every time we talk. It means he cares and really that's all I need to know.
In other news, I can't believe I did that again. The circumstances were the same, just different pieces on the chess board. Two completely different faces to come home to. Though I have to say, Ivan was a much better sport about it than Patrick was. Note to self: stop.
|
|
Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, July 16th, 2008
|
|
Thursday, June 19th, 2008
|
|
|
I might have been more worried, angry, confused if I generally haven't had everything in the world fall on me in this past month.
I admit now that storming off wasn't very mature of me, but I'm so numb from all this incessant crap to care. He's dumb. He'll get over it. For once -I- didn't do anything wrong.
The other day Paige gave me the most beautiful necklace along with Chinese food, movie watching, and cuddling. I've forgotten what it feels like to have a close girl friend. I've let Starla slip away over the past few years. It's great to have the feeling back.
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, June 18th, 2008
|
|
|
Had a semi snarky mood fest with Ivan. I wouldn't call it a fight, it was just...ridiculous. And I know it's all my fault too, I've been feeling low lately and I don't expect him to realize what I'm going through. That'd be asking too much.
Paige and I are getting along so well, we almost think alike. We're definitely going to go on vacation. Ivan can feed Houdini for a week, I don't care, I just have to get out.
And lately Darius is proving to be one of my closest friends. I don't know how else I'd be coping, I'm just so thankful for him right now. He reads me like a book, but honestly that's not too hard to do these days.
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Liking yourself is nonnegotiable.
My mother said that to me when I was ten. I had no clue what she was talking about at the time, but now it makes complete sense.
Nothing is easy anymore. Men...Holy Hell, I just can't even deal. I guess I should have realized all this a long time ago. This is my wake-up call, I need to answer it. Grow up, Max.
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, June 12th, 2008
|
|
|
It's funny how I've been meeting more people in these past two weeks than in the past year and a half. But what's the saying? Everything all at once? Beats me.
Went out for coffee, met an Auror. Let me just say, first time ever actually talking to one and it's just as intimidating as I though it'd be. He's nice though, read me like a book, but gave me some good advice.
I'll have to look into this art gallery business. It's so ME, I'm offended that I didn't think of it myself.
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
The house is clean. I moved into Cecile's room and rented out my old one. Paying for the whole thing won't be so hard now, though it's not going to be easy living with a complete stranger. He's certainly something though.
Darius invited me to go to the park with him and his ex girlfriend. I know he mostly did it because I've locked myself indoors for a week, still it was nice of him. I'm definitely mad at myself for never actually having a conversation with Paige. I've known her for quite some time, so this is kind of ridiculous. I have a feeling that we're going to get along very well. One of their mates, Neroli, joined us after a while. Paige had to leave so I was left with the men. We just sat there talking about silly things- harems, Plant, Bowie. Looking back, it wasn't a very good thing for Paige to leave. Neroli offered me a cigarette and I'm afraid that after years of being a happy ex-smoker, I've picked up the habit again. Cecile will most likely have my head. She's the one that beat it out of me in fifth year. Maybe I just won't even tell her. I need a way to calm my nerves. Neroli invited me to poker night too. He's an extremely interesting character, I'll have to take him up on it.
The time is passing by slowly- yet I think that's the point. Take it day by day, don't forget to breathe. I haven't talked to him since I left. Maybe I should ask him how he's doing too?
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
|
|
|
-- Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation.
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
( Darius )
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Well during a serious bought of boredom I decided to cast ALL of Max's family. Yes, I am just a little insane. I made a personal tack board so's that I'd have something to show for myself (I may have stolen the idea from Starla :P). Take a look if you want, I added a little explanation for those of you who aren't too familiar with the McLaren's.
( Fun stuff )
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Well not necessarily, just dealing with it.
Darius is a very interesting character. I have to admit I feel bad for being so bi-polar towards him (though I may have been under the influence of some sort of liquid). Either way, he brought me back home and gave me a good dose of reality (and anti-hangover potion?) before I went to face Patrick.
It's been a week since I really talked to Pat, so I guess my disappearance really freaked him out. He was waiting in the living room with the rabbits, pretty unnerving. Worse even to stumble in with another man. After moments of snarkiness, dry heaving, and semi-crying I think things are going to be better. We both need to grow, we both need to understand each other. No one ever said marriage was easy.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, March 26th, 2008
|
|
Sunday, February 17th, 2008
|
|
|
I am a married woman.
I can't believe it. No more running home to the parents, no more thinking about myself. It's about us now. We live together. He's my life and I am his. Settling things between us and no one else.
If you would have told me five years ago that I'd get married at the age of 19, I probably would have died laughing. And to a Quidditch player. Hah.
But here it is. The beginning of a new life.
The wedding was amazing. I don't think I've ever been that nervous in my entire existence. Still, Pat looked great and I absolutely adored my dress. There were so many people I haven't seen in the longest time too. This, of course, means that I've been doing a horrible job at keeping in touch since I graduated. Need to work on that.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Saturday, January 19th, 2008
|
|
|
To do:
-Have fight with father. Check.
-Invite Linc to see New Order. Check.
-Make up with father. Check.
-Steal Houdini. Check.
-Move into new house with Pat. Check.
-Get pummeled to death by Jack when he realizes I'm not giving his rabbit back.
-Make wedding invitations.
-Plant a garden.
-Paint or relatively do something artistic.
-Get married, live happily ever after.
Hmm.
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
max_mclaren's journal
cheerful.
blank.
crushed.
contemplative.
artistic.
anxious.
excited.
blah.